My Resume Says I’m Reliable; Am I?

In pretty much all of my interviews since I was 19 I’ve said the same key point to that person on the other side of the desk “I am reliable.”  Don’t get me wrong, in one sense, I am.  I show up to work on time almost every day of the year, I don’t dilly dally through tasks, if I say I’m going to do something for my boss I do it.  In the workforce of corporate America, I am a golden goose.  But, in my own life…that’s where splotches of black begin to bleed through that white picture.

When I was a wee little kid standing on the countertop, I proclaimed to my mother that I was going to be a singer one day.  She ushered me around to talent shows and vocal lessons up until the end.  After that, I kinda got lost.  Really lost.  I didn’t pursue much in the form of art, and here I am all these years later finally waking up and going “Oh my God what have I done.”  Ever feel that way?  Did you ever live in “Music City” and stop pursuing your dream?  I have plenty of excuses to tell you why I stopped, but that’s all they are.

I had to sit myself down for a minute to reflect and apologize to that little girl’s dream.  I am so sorry I gave up, and I wasn’t present to fulfill it.  Instead of utilizing tools (YouTube, Twitter, and social media platform) I shut them down. Now the harsh truth glares down at me, I have wasted years not building my art and relationships. And to my audience, the people who have watched me grow up, I’m sorry.

I was not reliable to myself, nor to you my audience, I let you down when I didn’t follow through.  I let you down when I fell in line and I am willing to bet that someone in my childhood was counting on me to make a dream come true to give them a sense of hope that dreams are alive.

So no, at this point I am not reliable.  I still have a few months to go before those new habits are established, but they are some of my favorites and I need to share them with you:

. When I walk in the door from work, I turn on music.

. One chore a day.  Weekends are not for cleaning.

. Write new blogs and research thoughts. (example: I wrote this blog, and next I’ll be researching how to offer digital music on a website)

. Pull out my guitar and practice scales, cover songs, and then write on new songs.  My goal is to write one new song a week. So far it’s 1 for 1 if I can nail these lyrics.

My evenings have been filled with these things, and I welcome the occasional break when my brother calls us over for dinner.  But most of all, I feel relief that I am investing my energy into me.  I have no idea where this road is going to lead me, but I hope you will be there for the journey.  I don’t want to let myself down, I want to be reliable to my own wellbeing and happiness.  If we’re lucky Reader, then maybe I can show that I am reliable to you.

For now, here is a video of me singing Little Lion Man by Mumford and Sons, in hopes it will be the first of many videos, and soon, some of my own.

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