In pretty much all of my interviews since I was 19 I’ve said the same key point to that person on the other side of the desk “I am reliable.” Don’t get me wrong, in one sense, I am. I show up to work on time almost every day of the year, I don’t dilly dally through tasks, if I say I’m going to do something for my boss I do it. In the workforce of corporate America, I am a golden goose. But, in my own life…that’s where splotches of black begin to bleed through that white picture.
When I was a wee little kid standing on the countertop, I proclaimed to my mother that I was going to be a singer one day. She ushered me around to talent shows and vocal lessons up until the end. After that, I kinda got lost. Really lost. I didn’t pursue much in the form of art, and here I am all these years later finally waking up and going “Oh my God what have I done.” Ever feel that way? Did you ever live in “Music City” and stop pursuing your dream? I have plenty of excuses to tell you why I stopped, but that’s all they are.
I had to sit myself down for a minute to reflect and apologize to that little girl’s dream. I am so sorry I gave up, and I wasn’t present to fulfill it. Instead of utilizing tools (YouTube, Twitter, and social media platform) I shut them down. Now the harsh truth glares down at me, I have wasted years not building my art and relationships. And to my audience, the people who have watched me grow up, I’m sorry.
I was not reliable to myself, nor to you my audience, I let you down when I didn’t follow through. I let you down when I fell in line and I am willing to bet that someone in my childhood was counting on me to make a dream come true to give them a sense of hope that dreams are alive.
So no, at this point I am not reliable. I still have a few months to go before those new habits are established, but they are some of my favorites and I need to share them with you:
. When I walk in the door from work, I turn on music.
. One chore a day. Weekends are not for cleaning.
. Write new blogs and research thoughts. (example: I wrote this blog, and next I’ll be researching how to offer digital music on a website)
. Pull out my guitar and practice scales, cover songs, and then write on new songs. My goal is to write one new song a week. So far it’s 1 for 1 if I can nail these lyrics.
My evenings have been filled with these things, and I welcome the occasional break when my brother calls us over for dinner. But most of all, I feel relief that I am investing my energy into me. I have no idea where this road is going to lead me, but I hope you will be there for the journey. I don’t want to let myself down, I want to be reliable to my own wellbeing and happiness. If we’re lucky Reader, then maybe I can show that I am reliable to you.
For now, here is a video of me singing Little Lion Man by Mumford and Sons, in hopes it will be the first of many videos, and soon, some of my own.