The Lost Piece

“Honey,  have you seen my…?”

In any relationship, you will hear those words eventually. Typically, one person does know where the hat, keys, wallet, or headphones are exactly. Or they have no clue and the coveted item is in a black hole somewhere.  I expect my husband to help me search for my items when they are lost, sometimes he does, other times he doesn’t; this goes both ways.

A reoccurring theme lately is that our relationships have a tendency to hide a part of ourselves, that we change for the person we are with.  People do change, and often it is in ways we do not want.  But how many women have I listened to, who felt like their other is trying to hide or change a part of them?  Guilty as charged, I’ve been there.  Only to find, it was my own fear of rejection that made me cover it up in the first place.  I was afraid my husband would hate my wanting to spend time with art.  I was afraid to try and locate a balance on that tricky beam.  I was afraid to take him to open mics in Nashville, because “no one else brought their husband” {lie}.  I was afraid to ask him for help because I didn’t want to owe him anything.  In the middle of all these fears and their weight, I shut out my creative outlets and gave up.  Bottling it up gave way to an attitude I don’t like, and it turns me into a control fanatic.

But, he thinks of me.  While I’m sitting here these past few days looking up ideas for Patreon rewards, trying to even fathom a way to make my music into a video, let alone raise funds to put my music in a studio; He is contemplating what type of software is needed to edit the videos.  He bought me a studio mic years ago, I never asked for it, but he knew I needed it. I was afraid of his help, I didn’t want him to see how badly I needed it.

To any lady out there who feels like she is manipulating herself in a relationship I advise you to take a second look.  If your partner’s reaction is that of kindness and love, what is creating the toxic feeling?  And if your partner’s reaction is anger or judgment, then leave. No one has the right to force you into fear, including yourself.  Find the freedom from the fear that weighs you down.

If you happen to ask your partner to help you find that little bit of yourself, they may surprise you.  Remember, we don’t always know where the hat is, and they may not always stand up to help find your keys.  But if you ask, maybe they will help you search because they support you and love you.